Annual Father's Day Dad Jokes!

Written by Ariana Crisafulli


Posted on June 20 2021


Dads are great for so many things. They teach us how to tie our shoes and ride a bike and set up a tent; they help us buy our first cars and they pretend like they're not going to cry when we go on our first dates or when we go away to college, even though you know they secretly get teary-eyed. But most of all, dads are great at making us laugh, even if we're laughing at how bad the joke is rather than at the joke itself. But hey - that's what dads are for!

That's why this year we're doing another annual Father's Day dad jokes blog post, to honor dad, and to give you some corny ammo while you're celebrating him today.

I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?" "Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.

What did the zero say to the eight? That belt looks good on you.

I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing.

I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

What did one hat say to the other? Stay here! I'm going on ahead.

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain? It didn't have the guts.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.

What does a bee use to brush its hair? A honeycomb!

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.

Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg.

When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know…

Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.

If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.

I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me.

I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent.

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? Nothing, it's on the house.

Happy Father's Day everyone! And comment in the comment section below if you have any favorite dad jokes to share!