Families Big and Small, We Love Them All•
Posted on September 19 2020
When you discuss with your partner the possibility of having a family, there are dozens (if not hundreds) of questions to consider. The question extends not only to "will we have a family?" but also "how many children will we have?"
If there are hundreds of questions about the potential of a family, then there are at least thousands of answers. Researchers have tried to answer the question of what is the optimal number of children to have, to no avail, largely because this is simply a subjective question with a subjective answer. The answer is whatever you prefer. But probably the biggest question in regard to how many children to have is "should we have one child or more than one?" because this is where the real differences reveal themselves.
So, should you have more than one child? An only child, after all, will be the beneficiary of all your parental attention and resources, and studies show they tend to be more independent. But children with siblings get the experience of growing up in a home with other children, and although an only child will receive the undivided attention and resources of their parents, they may also be the recipients of all the pressure to succeed or to have children.
So, what's the right answer? Really, there is no right answer, just many variations of different answers according to preference and experience. For those who have multiple children, we also wanted to know what the transition is like going from one to two, and then three or even more!
We asked what you thought, Tesa Babe Community, and here's what you said!
I have 4 children. The first and the second are 13 years apart, so that transition from 1-2 was easy. The transition from 2-3 was so hard! They were Irish twins, both less than 1 year apart. We had just moved away from family and friends to a new state, so that made it even harder. But chasing an 11-month-old while taking care of a newborn was no joke. After baby number 3 turned 3 months, it was much easier. And now with baby number 4, it's actually been pretty easy! I guess I'm kind of used to the craziness lol! She's only 4 weeks old, but everything seems to be pretty smooth sailing for us!
The transition from 1 to 2 is tough. I strongly recommend a 3-3 ½ year age gap for the sake of your sanity and the sake of your body. Give your body time to breathe! It takes our bodies 18 months to 2 years to truly heal from being pregnant and delivering a baby. Even if you look and feel great, your body will thank you a 1000x over if you hold out long enough to let her do its thing. I got pregnant with my second when my oldest was 22 months, the original plan was to wait until he was 2 ½ to get pregnant again, but due to moving we chose to get pregnant sooner. I stand true to for that 3-3 ½ years it's been a whirlwind of crazy in our home, lots of love, lots of crazy, lots of postpartum hormones… and we wanted more than one because everyone needs a forever partner-in-crime to have fun and mischief with, and you know, they entertain each other.
I've started to consider having another baby and my biggest motivation is that my little one needs a best friend. I grew up with many kids around and I loved it. Seeing Yaya as an only child makes me feel guilty that she's missing out on a lot of love.
We just had our first, but as an only child I'd like at least two. Don't get me wrong, I had a wonderful childhood but I sometimes wished I had a playmate… and now as I get older I know the burden will fall solely to me when things start happening and big decisions need to be made. I'm sure my husband will be a wonderful support and help but there's still that missing element of a sibling knowing exactly what I'm going through. We have a bit of time before baby number two (our first is about 4.5 months old) but I've always had that thought in the back of my head.
After having my first baby during the start of the Covid pandemic, I'm almost sure that she will be my one and only. I needed my mother and sadly because of the pandemic she wasn't able to fly into town. Even if she did she wouldn't have been able to be in the room.
We always wanted 3. The transition from 1 to 2 was pretty easy but I believe this had to do with the age gap being almost 3 years. Going from 1 to 2 definitely has put us at our limit. When people used to talk about being outnumbered, I can totally see what they meant.
I've always pictured having more than one kid. Going from 1 to 2 definitely has its hard moments when you're trying to get them to bed and both are fussy at the same time. But I wouldn't change it, when they are so sweet to each other and play.
Thank you everyone for responding! We enjoy hearing your thoughts and opinions, and we hope that this has been helpful to you too. Let's keep on supporting each other as woman and mamas!